Inconclusive

A bit late, but a quick summary of yesterday: the big ultrasound! Having never been pregnant it was a new experience. I swear, I was the only person under the age of 55 in that imaging center waiting room. Waited forever....no magazines....or even medical brochures.....just my anxiety.....and my hunger thanks to my required overnight fast. Finally, they called me back to start the ultrasound and pushed on me really hard. It was fairly uncomfortable, but then my tummy is always uncomfortable. It was cool, not necessarily exciting like looking at a cute baby in the making, but definitely interesting. The technician took lots of images of all my organs (can you say you've seen your liver? or your spleen?) and decided that my gallbladder looked clean. Good news. But it also means one more test that is inconclusive. Bad news.

The hardest part about it is that it robs me of hope for awhile. It leaves me wondering again what the heck could be wrong with me and subsequently spending too much time on webmd.com or mayoclinic.com researching and fearing the worst. Still sicky today after the fact and now in pain. As usual. It's weird, because there are times when I feel ok and I think, "well all the tests have come back normal, maybe I'm just imagining this..." which is funny, because then I feel sick or have pain and think "there's NO WAY this is in my head!"

What's not inconclusive is that there is an answer out there and I'm convinced we'll find it somehow. Not only that, but I know this is a learning experience for us and it has affirmed how God truly works through other people to bless His children through comfort, prayers, and at times through real assistance - you know who you are. Other things I am grateful for today:

1. I have a new job! After months of searching I was offered a position (which in itself was a blessing) with a dental marketing company in Orem. I'm so excited to have the chance to use my degree, so excited that they are starting me part-time to begin with which is something I can handle right now, and so excited that I feel I was led to it and that my previous work and internship experience are a perfect fit.
2. As far as the ultrasound technician can tell, the rest of my body looks healthy. Relief.
3. Spring! It was a seriously beautiful day yesterday. Green grass, blue skies, blossoming trees: awesome.
4. I have everything I need. I thought about it and realized how blessed I am just to have someplace to live, food to eat, family, freedom, faith, a car, a job, an education. A lot of people will never have all those things, let alone things they want (and I have a lot of those things too).

I will not have more news until Monday, but I promise to blog about happier things this weekend!

- Heather